Very frequently in marriages, we wonder whether the individual we’re in love with feels the same way about us as we do about them. Often things in relationships can get so terrible that we begin to wonder that the one we value thinks the same way about us. We begin to believe that the words they say and the things we do demonstrate that they do not have genuine feelings for us. We should say they might not love us and we can never handle those we love in that manner.
The difficulty with such a philosophy is that people in love can not necessarily romantically regard one another.
People in long-term marriages, particularly those who have been going for a long time, end up revealing the worst parts of themselves to those they value. The explanation for this is straightforward. We trust that all who love us will accept us as we are, flaws and everything. We believe we have more freedom to expose them to our flaws and hope they will always support us unconditionally.
When couples put up with a lot of negative conduct, it becomes habitual over time. Habits are very difficult to crack, and they appear to worsen rather than improve over time. So, if you’ve let anything slip too many times, you’re contributing to the negative behaviour being a permanent, rather than a temporary, aspect of your friendship. You must agree that a partnership cannot go bad until there are two active partners and remain bad.
You may not be the one that brings the wrong conduct, but you are the one who allows it. As the expression goes, “what you allow to continue will continue.” Taking a close look at your friendship whether you have any doubts about their feelings for you. What caused you to have doubts about their feelings for you at this time? Might it be because you’ve been allowing them to handle you in an unloving manner for too long that you’ve forgotten this kind of behaviour is unacceptable?
And because someone doesn’t look as though they care for you doesn’t imply they don’t. The complexities of your partnership might have just matured to the point that being nice, kind, or emotional no longer seems important to them. Consider if you believe they are sceptical about your feelings for them. If the response is no, that is because you permitted them to withhold their feelings for you while still expressing your feelings for them. You rewarded inappropriate conduct, which is never a positive thing. You could have reached a point in your partnership that you need to withhold your affections for some time to offer them the wake-up call they require and deserve.