A long-distance friendship has its range of challenges and fears. He declares that he is searching for a friendship. He wishes to find someone with whom he will settle down and share his life. So why is he marrying people who don’t even live in the same state as him? Did he already date any available woman in his state? Or even his homeland?
Long-distance marriages are becoming increasingly common as online dating becomes more socially acceptable. It is difficult enough for an existing pair to move from a partnership where they can see each other often and effortlessly to a long-distance relationship and thrive. It is much more daunting to start a partnership from a distance. But, what is the point of doing it in the first place? Has the idea of additional difficulty and problems occurred to the men seeking these kinds of relationships? Has it occurred to you? It’s one thing if you want to relocate to that region in the immediate future, but if you don’t, why launch anything with additional dangers and less of a safety net?
Long-distance relationships are a godsend for scam artists, guy whores, game players, and commitment-phobes. On the internet, you can be whoever you want to be and mask almost every part of your life. A man will tell you that he lives in a four-bedroom house in a peaceful place, works as an architect, and attends church on Sundays. How do you know all of this is true? And if he gave you photographs of the home, he might have taken them off a friend’s place, or the house could have been him before foreclosure and he is now living with his mother and father.
He’s an architect, right? How do you know he WORKS? He can convince you he does, so how can you be sure? You have to trust him and cross your fingers that he hasn’t lied to you. Isn’t it true that anyone in your family has lied to you at any stage in your life? Someone dear to you has lied to you at every stage in your life, haven’t they? Didn’t you have at least one guy in your life who lied to you? But how do you trust this individual to be completely honest when the circumstances make lying or concealing details too easy?
If he lies, the repercussions for HIM are that he will never hear from you again. It’s a big deal. No offense, but this is a huge deal. He figured you’d find out eventually, but he held himself emotionally detached to some extent. What are the ramifications for you? Do you feel betrayed? Are you a moron? You may also have to pay for plane fares or petrol to meet this guy. Shouldn’t you treat their words with a grain of salt? A salt pillar?
Shouldn’t you be wondering what will happen when this “relationship” continues as you sign up for a long-distance relationship? Which of you will be the one who has to MOVE?? What are you? You’re about to relocate your whole life for a relationship? What about your house, friends, relatives, children, work, and so on?
If you’re trying to uproot and risk all of that, you can run a background search on this man and request a copy of his credit report. Don’t feel guilty or shady about it either. We’re talking about your livelihood here, and you have much too much to risk. You can visit him at his home (not a hotel) to see how he stays. You should invite him to take you where he works and meet any of his coworkers and ensure that he has the career he claims to have. You must communicate with your friends and family so that you are certain that THEY ARE AWARENESS Of YOUR Life. When speaking with his friends and relatives, avoid boasting about yourself and just focus on HIM. Tell them what you like about him based on what he told you, and see their reactions. When you tell them you think it’s exciting that he lived overseas and they stare at you as if you’re from Mars, you know he lied.
Protect yourself ahead of time, because it is too late after you have placed anything precious to you at risk for this guy, and the results may be tragic.
For a long-distance partnership, a player has it made. He may be writing the same nonsense to you and ten other women. He might convince you he’s going out of state for work while he’s spending time with another lady. For all you know, he might be living with another girlfriend! For all you know, he might be married to another lady!! Did you do a background investigation? What’s the point? Has he provided you with his address? If he has requested that you deliver items to his home? You can, and be sure to have a cutesy-woodsy card so that if a woman stays with him, she can tear his face off FOR YOU.
Is he calling you at all hours of the night? If he just calls you during the day, doesn’t that leave his evenings free to spend with another woman? Men cheat on people they reside with, on whom they are married/engaged; how difficult do you believe it is for them to cheat on a woman from another state? You can’t go by his place, you’re not spending time AT his house, because you have no idea what he’s up to. In circumstances like these, you could be more cautious, suspicious, and less trusting.
And don’t tell me I’m being too pessimistic and losing out on anything amazing. The odds of it being anything fantastic are small, but the chances of getting royally shanked are astronomical. So, if you’re going to take the risk, why not do a little detective work in the interest of self-protection?
A background check ensures that he is not dating, that he works as he said he does, that he does not have any felony history, and so on. That is the knowledge you can have. You’re not reading his journal. This is public knowledge that you might get if you LIVED in his town at the county clerk’s office. So let go of the remorse for not trusting him sufficiently to run a background search on him. Trust must be won, and it can be earned by doing a background check to ensure that everything he says is valid. Trust can not be received just because he sends you deep and informative EMAILS or has long phone conversations with you.
What if this individual wishes to relocate to where you are? I’m guessing he won’t have his place and just start the NORMAL phase of dating you and seeing where it goes. No, he’s going to come into YOUR building more times than not. For YOUR belongings. Maybe with YOUR children. And you’re not convinced you should run a background search on him? HOW COME???
Yeah, you’ve seen his sweet side, and I’m sure he’s been kind to you, so how can you deal with him? You won’t know until he moves in with you, don’t you? What is he like when he is angry or in a fight? You don’t realize that before it does, do you? Don’t you think you can find out whether he’s been convicted for domestic abuse or, Heaven forbid, whether he’s a pedophile who you’re bringing into YOUR home to see your children?
Pedophiles, rapists, and domestic abuse perpetrators should not wear scarlet letters on their chests. They don’t resemble the boogeyman. They have the same appearance as anyone else, come from diverse economic classes, and have varying intellectual standards. Don’t believe you know what anyone looks like, how they behave, or how they smell. No, you do not. And even though he passes the physical, have you considered what would happen if it doesn’t work out? Will you be ready to evict him right away, or will you make him linger because you feel bad or sad for him? After all, he did all of this for YOU, so how can you just dismiss him?
You should, and you should, if things get out of hand. You didn’t have him do something he didn’t want to do, because you both should have realized (if you’re past the age of 12) that there was a possibility (a better chance than you liked to think at the time) that this wouldn’t work out. So, if it doesn’t work out, call it quits as soon as possible to get this guy out of your house.
A long-distance friendship is perfect for a commitment-phobe. Several men genuinely do not want the responsibilities of a conventional partnership. They don’t want to see the individual every week, they don’t want to spend every holiday with them, they don’t want to have to listen to anyone, they don’t want to have to say no to their families, and they don’t want to give up any of their independence. These guys INTEND to remain in long-distance partnerships so they can always come and go when they want and don’t have to pay for their movements. They will date other women whenever they like so their “girlfriend” won’t find out, because the women they date won’t be able to have them when they tell them “sorry, already have a girlfriend.” Since they can’t make arrangements with YOU, they can make plans with their mates. They have almost complete equality.
He’d rather catch the game with his friends than spend Sunday with you? Well, that’s correct, he can’t spend Sunday with you in any case, but you can’t get angry at him. That’s pretty smart of him, isn’t it? Long-distance partnerships can be referred to as long-distance booty calls in certain situations. I know what you’re going to say: he sends you lovely letters, calls you all the time, blah blah blah. He’s thinking about his career, blah blah blah. Let me let you in on a little secret: he has no plans to spend the rest of his life with you. The guys who play this game come up with reason after excuse not to marry you and not to move at this moment. When you actually give up and throw a fit, the engagement will be finished, and he will be free to pursue another victim.