Inconsistency of marriages is a major hindrance to the progression of a partnership. When the one you love gives you mixed signals by confusion in their feelings, attitudes, and actions, you never know where you are. You are on cloud nine when the one you love behaves and talks in ways that make you think they really care for you and the partnership. But when they unexpectedly act and talk in ways that are diametrically opposed, it’s as though the rug has been pulled out from beneath the foot. So, what are you to believe?
If they were somewhat reasonable much of the time but behaved differently during battles or tense circumstances, you would accept the consistent actions as representing their true thoughts and feelings. For the most part, both partnerships have moments where we say and do stuff we don’t actually intend, and we feel guilty about it afterward. It only becomes a serious issue where the scales are not tilted far enough away.
Your spouse may approach you to claim they are confused or don’t know what they really want or feel about you. That can occur in a partnership, but it should not occur frequently; otherwise, something else is going on altogether. No one is really unsure of how they thought, and they certainly do not become so on a regular basis. If the one you love has used the line on you more than once, they are using you. Feelings are not like light switches; they do not transform on and off with the drop of a hat. We all know what we really desire in a human.
So, why does someone you care for add inconsistencies between their actions and words into your relationship?
One explanation people engage in inconsistent behavior is to prevent a partnership from progressing to the next stage. They use their inconsistency to build drama and complications in order to prevent the partnership from progressing. When you’re in a partnership with somebody that utilizes inconsistency, you’re still taking one move forward and one step back. This may be to avoid agreeing to a monogamous arrangement with you, settling down, or marrying.
Another possible explanation for your partner’s inconsistency is that you are in an on/off partnership. They might be switching between you and another woman, which would definitely cause contradictions. They might say and behave like they despise their ex one day (or for months) and that you are the greatest thing that has ever happened to them. Suddenly, they feel compelled to return to their ex and offer things another chance. If you are in an on/off partnership, the relationship will still suffer, and this will happen repeatedly. Why is this so? Since they want things this way and don’t want to be with either one of you, they like all of you. Make a break for it and head for the woods.
It is fair to assume any variance in your partnership. The outer environment, stress, and sometimes being in a poor mood for no cause will all render one moody. There is no need to be concerned until it becomes more common. Then it’s a trend, and the pattern is a specific issue that needs to be tackled.