We emailed for several months before meeting in person for the first time in Australia where I first met Mike. And right after we met at the airport, I drove Mike back to my parents’ house and dropped him off amid my family vacation (complete with parents, sister, and baby niece).
My tale has certain unique elements about it.
Spending three months emailing someone and then asking them to spend two weeks with your family is, to put it mildly, unusual in this day and age. However, it worked for us because it enabled us to get to know each other better without the intensity and strain of being alone right away. And, as far as preparations go, it was safe.
That is the subject I’d like to discuss with you today. I want you to read this if you are a woman because let’s face it, women are much more vulnerable than men in these situations. If you’re a woman approaching a guy you’ve grown to care for for the first time, you ought to be careful and wise. I cannot emphasize this sufficiently.
The majority of individuals would turn out to be more or less as they claim to be. The majority of citizens had positive ideas. However, much does not equal everybody. So, here are my top safety suggestions for meeting someone for the first time.
1. Have a Public Meeting
The best place to encounter anyone for the first time is in a public place—an airport, train station, bus stop, park, hotel lobby, etc.
Often, make sure your phone is paid and that you have it with you.
If they come to you, you’ll want to welcome them alone (first encounters are exciting/nerve-wracking enough without an audience), so make sure friends or family members know where and where you’ll be.
Bring enough cash in your wallet to arrange for a cab if you’re going to them. Bring cash or credit cards to pay for a hotel room if required.
If there may be other people present, do not automatically take them back to your home after the meeting.
2. Keep in Touch With Relatives and Friends
Check-in with your “trusties” during the pickup by text or call, and frequently during the visit, in addition to informing family or friends about when and when you’ll be meeting.
Also, plan ahead of time for a buddy or family member a discrete “I need backup” signal that you can use if you need them to join you or bail you out at some moment.
3. Do Not Allow Them to Stay With You and Do Not Consent to Stay at Their Home
If you are visiting them, do not agree to remain with him or her for your first visit. Stay in a hotel or ask your long-distance companion to arrange for you to stay with another friend of theirs, particularly if they live alone.
If they come to you, do not invite them to stay at your home, particularly if you live alone (and even more importantly, if you are a woman.) Request that they stay in a hotel or arrange for them to stay with a neighbour.
Yes, this may be inconvenient, but it is worth being vigilant and exerting extra effort at this stage.
There is a lot you don’t know about him or her, no matter how well you think you know him or her. It is doubtful (but not impossible) that your long-distance companion would sexually attack you or take advantage of you during the tour.
It is much more probable that either or both of you would feel ambivalent and confused on your first visit. If you don’t sleep in the same bed, you’ll feel less anxiety and have more flexibility and room to express your emotions and reactions.
4. Plan Activities That You Will Do Together
You can schedule some activities for the weekend because sitting at home alone together all weekend may: (a) be awkward; (b) be boring; (c) be unsafe; and (d) encourage you to end up in bed together far sooner than is prudent.
So schedule some events that will encourage you to converse with one another, such as going out to dinner or on picnics, visiting parks and museums, or taking a day trip somewhere nearby.
Depending on how much of an introvert you are (and therefore how much quiet time you need to recharge), you will also want to schedule one or two things that will enable you to take a break from chatting (movies, plays, shows, concerts, etc.). For more details, see the segment on great things to do together during a first meeting.
5. I Don’t Have Some Sex
I propose that you refrain from having intercourse on your first meeting visit. I realize plenty of you would disregard the advice, and that is perfectly fine. We’re both adults (hopefully) and will make our own choices on this. But, in this little novel, I’m being blunt and truthful, and my suggestion is… hold off on the sex.
Whatever you think about sex and when it’s appropriate to have it in a partnership (early, after a bit, or not before you’re married), don’t forget how enticing it would be to sleep with your latest long-distance love interest on your first visit.
Getting to know somebody over the phone or by email provides a lot of emotional familiarities. When you interact face to face, it is enticing to step easily to become as mentally close as you believe you are mental.
Though this can seem like a good idea at the time, it may have unforeseen physical and psychological consequences—and I’m not only concerned about physical protection, unplanned pregnancy, and sexually transmitted diseases. I’m referring to psychological wellbeing and being objective enough to make sound choices regarding the future of your partnership.
Did you know that having sex with someone too early in a relationship will make deciding what you think about that person more difficult, not easier? This is because having intercourse with another activates brain chemicals that aid in the formation of relational ties between spouses. Breaking these ties may be very painful emotionally.
This suggests that after sleeping with someone, you would be more deeply involved in the relationship, less willing to think objectively of whether this is a healthy relationship for you to be in, and more likely to stay in it even though you have reservations.