Let’s face it: one of the most difficult aspects of any long-distance partnership is sex. It’s not shocking, given that sex is one of the most contentious topics in any adult partnership. Any pair must deal with issues concerning the presence of sex in their partnership. But when you and your wife are separated by thousands of miles, things get more… complex.
I, too, am in a long-distance partnership, and the kid is difficult. Particularly because we are separated by a 24-hour flight (Australia-Sweden).
When you are in a long-distance partnership and are separated nearly half of the time, it may be difficult to develop a long-distance sex life with your wife, but it is not.
We can communicate with our loved ones even more effectively than ever before thanks to technological advancements. And you will have a rewarding intimate partnership if you keep an open mind, can be imaginative, and communicate openly.
Here are my top recommendations for becoming more connected and physically involved with your girlfriend.
1. Promote Open Communication
When I first began a long-distance friendship, neither of us adequately expressed our sexual desires to each other. We didn’t discuss why we needed to remain sexual at a distance or how we might fill the sexual vacuum when separated.
We locked up our true feelings as time passed. A couple of months later, we discovered we had several misunderstandings regarding what we both needed in terms of sex. This resulted in a lot of resentment and a major war.
Fortunately, after the squabble, we were able to repair what we could have repaired until it became a crisis. We also realized that we should have started talking about sex earlier in our relationship.
This is not what I like to happen to you. In many ways, open collaboration is critical in a long-distance partnership. One of them is sex. So make sure you have a discussion about this with your spouse as soon as possible!
Begin this discussion by recognizing that sex can be difficult to discuss and that it often causes people to feel insecure and fragile. Tell them that they should chat about it (or that they can opt not to talk about anything right now if they don’t want to) and that you want them to express their feelings, ideas, and concerns. Inform your mate that you will follow suit.
Here are some questions you might pose or stuff you could say to open this conversation:
- What are your expectations about sex in a relationship? What about a long-distance romance?
- What are your fears, hesitations, or worries?
- Is there something you’d like to say on this subject but are unsure how?
When you’ve established open dialogue regarding sex with your wife, the next move is to keep that going. It is critical to often take it to a deeper level when conversing, particularly if you are in a long-distance relationship since this is how your relationship can develop.
Maintain daily check-ins on this topic. Inquire about your partner’s feelings about being separated and the involvement of sex in your partnership. Inquire if there is something they would like to explore a certain way. If there is something in this field that they like or are concerned with.
2. Create Long-distance Expectations
Setting goals and communicating openly go hand in hand. Helping your spouse appreciate your hopes, boundaries, and aspirations, as well as ensuring you understand theirs, is part of maintaining real open communication regarding sex.
Here are some topics to explore to better understand each other’s expectations in this area:
- What part do you want sex to have in your relationship?
- What kinds of sex do you like to try? (For instance, skype sex, phone sex, and sexting.)
- What are the preferences for long-distance sexual encounters? (For instance, how often do you and your partner want to have long-distance sex?)
- Do you like to play with sex toys?
- Is this a committed relationship? Is it permissible to have other intimate partners?
Never put pressure on your spouse (or allow them to put pressure on you) to do anything you don’t want to do. It is acceptable to tell “no” and inform your spouse that you are not happy with anything. It’s normal for these types of conversations to sound strange (as well as oddly exciting). It’s fine if you don’t know what you think about this stuff right away. Have an open mind as well—your companion might have any dreams or desires of their own that will surprise you.
The main thing is that you and your wife come to a clearer understanding of what you want, what you don’t want, and where you are lost and unsure. Many times, particularly if you’ve never been in a long-distance relationship before, you won’t know what you want out of long-distance sex ahead of time. What you want and what you don’t want will shift with time. That is why it is important to… chat about sex a lot!
3. Make Frequent Mention Of Long-distance Sex
I’m sure you and your girlfriend spend a lot of time talking on the web, skyping, and messaging. And I certainly do!
Use some of this opportunity to discuss sex. It will come up whether you both want sex to be a part of your partnership. So, while you’re chatting about how much you miss each other in natural speech, you might even chat about ways you want to get freaky the next time you’re together, as well as your sexual fantasies and wishes. The more precise you will be, the more they can learn (and the higher the temperature will be for all of you.) Is it supposed to be sensual? Is it rough? Is it filthy? Will you be gentle? Trained? If you want the light on or the dark? What is your preferred method of being touched?
You don’t have to be this close to discover useful information. My husband and I even have Skype sessions during which we read sex-related posts and search the internet for the right long-distance sex toys. I’ve heard about other lovers that arouse each other by reading erotica aloud to each other or dressing up in provocative costumes.
This kind of stuff also allows people to express their thoughts and perspectives, as well as point out what they like and dislike. It allows us to indulge our wildest imaginations without necessarily getting the focus squarely on us, and it allows us to explore brand-new territories that we might never have dreamed about if we hadn’t tried on other people’s terms and thoughts for scale.
So, check out some of these ideas for your girlfriend. It can be a good way to find out what turns your wife on and make both of you feel more relaxed communicating about sex with each other. This is significant because communicating about your sexual frustrations and expectations daily can help your sex life and strengthen your friendship, regardless of how far away you are physically, as long as it does not become something you speak about.
After all, as Lisa has previously said, if the partnership becomes 20% chatting and 80% hard breathing, it is no longer a relationship. That is a toll-free sex hotline.
Nobody said long-distance relationships were straightforward, particularly when it came to sex. Understanding your partner’s interests, boundaries, and needs, on the other hand, can help you succeed in this critical environment.
Open Contact, Establishing Relevant Standards, and Discussing Sex Regularly are Three Basic Things You Should Do To Create Sexual Intimacy Even Though You Are Separated.
It’s worth noting that I said “simple” rather than “simple.”
They are not easy, particularly at first.
Talking about long-distance sex may seem to be the most difficult obstacle. I was unhappy with this early on in our partnership, and I was scared of receiving unwanted criticism from my partner. However, the moment I mentioned long-distance sex, my feeling of “This is too difficult” vanished. We are now absolutely relaxed discussing sex with each other, which makes both of us feel closer and more, um, happy in our partnership.