15 Serious Issues with Long-Distance Relationships

15 Serious Issues with Long-Distance Relationships

Everyone understands that long-distance marriages are difficult, so what exactly does that entail? What are the most prevalent and severe long-distance partnership issues? Will they be repaired, or are most long-distance marriages doomed?

Don’t give in! Long-distance partnerships may be effective. They might also be beneficial to you for a limited time. I may attest to this because I met my husband through email when he was staying 7000 miles away.

However, let us be rational. Long-distance partnerships are difficult to manage. And several long-distance partnership issues do not affect same-city partnerships as much.

Let’s have a peek at some of them now. What are the most important issues in long-distance relationships, and how do you handle them?

 

Long-distance Partnership Issue 

1: Feeling as Though You Have Little to Speak About

Have you ever been caught in a rut and unable to find topics to discuss with your long-distance love? Have you ever been heartbroken when you want to be with your partner but sound like you’re having the same tired talks over and over again when you call?

This is one of the most important issues in long-distance relationships. These types of “dry periods” are common in long-distance relationships, but they are still depressing and frustrating.

What is the Solution?

One simple short-term solution is to brainstorm some questions to ask you’re significant other! Take out a pen and paper and jot down ten questions you’d like to pose them. Alternatively, you will save time by purchasing a book of debate queries, which can include hours of entertaining and fascinating conversation. Here’s a nice one for LDR couples:

Another useful suggestion is to learn to relax about it. All in a long-distance partnership has times that they don’t have anything to chat about. You might have a season when you chat every day, and then there are months where you just talk once a couple of days. That’s perfectly natural. Don’t let it frighten you.

 

2. Excessive Talking

You may be thinking, “Wait a minute, what’s the big deal?” Isn’t it true that the most significant advantage of a long-distance relationship is that it forces you to communicate? Is it even possible to speak too much in an LDR?

And, it is.

Spending hours and hours every single day on the phone or Skype in a new long-distance relationship breeds an intensity that can move you along too quickly and establishes intense communication patterns that can be difficult to change later.

In a more mature long-distance partnership, you also shouldn’t waste so much time chatting the other significant aspects of your life suffer greatly. That lack of equilibrium will only serve to harm you in the long run.

What is the Solution?

Try to chat, email, and compose at a rate that seems sustainable and healthy, while still devoting some energies and attention to other critical aspects of your life (fitness, friends, and other sorts of fun). For a more in-depth look at this topic, read this article.

 

3. Needing Them to Answer Immediately

Have you ever sent a text and then stared at the phone impatiently, waiting for them to answer you right away??

We’ve all done it, right? For some of us, though, this becomes a routine, a practice, or a “need.” We begin to expect and require them to pick up the phone every time we call and respond to every text or email immediately.

This kind of neediness and pressure isn’t healthy for your partnership in the long term, and it’s an indication that you’re not confident in yourself or your relationship.

What is the Solution?

Consider what is really at stake here.

Do you get the impression that your SO isn’t listening to you as easily as you’d want because they’re distracted or need more alone time? Or do they routinely ignore you and leave you alone for long periods?

Are your hopes and aspirations for a timely answer reasonable? And do they stem mostly from your sincere desire to communicate with your SO, or do they often stem from a need for touch and reassurance that they are involved in you to feel happy?

If your expectations are unreasonable or stem primarily from your sense of need and insecurity, seek ways to improve your sense of security and self-esteem, as well as learn to better tolerate uncertainty (see point 8). Also, have a look at this article on healthy contact.

 

4. Separation

If your love passes on and other parts of your friends come to a halt or slow down, the rest of your life goes on. You don’t quit studying, developing, or evolving only because the person you care for isn’t around every day. They don’t either. You’re both gaining expertise. Any of these encounters will form your life.

When you’re in a long-distance partnership, it may be more difficult to recognize and follow your partner’s changes.

The same is often real.

No matter how much you value each other, there is a real possibility that a gradual drift over your time apart will lead you to develop in ways that frequent flier miles will not be able to repair.

What is the Solution?

This is one of the most difficult long-distance partnership issues to resolve. Discuss this vulnerability with your mate. Discuss what you can do if either or more of you feel you are drifting away in significant ways. And here are few items you can do to help keep this from happening:

  • Both accepting that the difference should be temporary and keeping a target in mind to close the gap.
  • visits in both ways regularly
  • Maintain daily contact and find a way to continue learning new stuff and becoming more together even though you’re apart. Check out our Great Dates Bundle for our best resources for staying fully involved when you’re away.

 

5. Postponing The Remainder of Your Existence

Have you hit a roadblock in your life? Do you find yourself moping around half of the time, worrying about how much you enjoy your girlfriend, and wishing for the next Skype call or visit?

Do you get the impression that the future of your life is on pause so you can be together?

Is it too difficult to go out with friends or do anything by yourself?

When you’re in a long-distance partnership, it’s all too tempting to neglect other crucial aspects of your life, such as families, interests, sports, and exercise. However, doing that would just render you more miserable in the short term and would damage you in the long run!

What is the Solution?

Do not waste any spare moment conversing with your mate (or daydreaming about a said partner). You can’t depend entirely on your partner to make you happy; instead, you should focus on them to contribute to your happiness. When you’re away, you need to make a life for yourself where you are—a life full of friends and fun.

Do something that will make you more healthy, wiser, and healthier. Do stuff that piques your curiosity. If necessary, carry out these tasks on your own. Check out this article on 10 Things You Should Do Today to Be Happier with Your LDR. And keep in mind that investing in yourself is another means of investing in your most significant relationship–the one you would undoubtedly be in for the rest of your life. Start right now.

 

6. Being too Exhausted or Lazy to Speak Clearly

Long-distance couples also about how the distance has made them continue to connect well and at a deep level. However, the inverse is also possible. Distance may also allow for the formation of weak contact habits.

Of course, there would be times where you chat all the time and times when you don’t talk for a day or two (or longer). But, particularly if either or both of you are busy, it can be possible to neglect to invest in a deep connection with your spouse. In-depth discussions can become less and farther between. It may become habitual to just chat about how your day went, or to hold the topic short and trivial. That’s when you know you’ve got a crisis.

What is the Solution?

Set aside any “skype date” time at least once a week for anything other than catching up with your day.

If you are very busy or sleepy, it might be beneficial to reduce the chat time for a short period. Try chatting just a couple of days per week for a bit to recharge. Or spend some “virtual time” together doing something that doesn’t include talking (such as watching a TV show together when linked through video). Do some analysis to find some entertaining simulated dates. And, when you do talk, concentrate. Get the most about it.

 

7. Excellent Cross-time Zone Connectivity

I believe that anyone in a long-distance partnership has times where they feel a little insane, but couples in LDRs with a large time zone gap certainly have more than others.

Differences in time zones render linking and communication (already difficult in LDRs) much more complicated. You’ll need a little more empathy and creativity to remember that your companion is having a very different time of day or night. When you want to have a long contacts intimate conversation in the evening but they’re busy having breakfast and getting ready for college, you need extra patience and empathy.

What is the Solution?

When you live in a different time zone from anyone you care for, arranging any contacts (and making a schedule out of them–like a weekly Thursday night Skype date) becomes much more critical because the odds of catching them with a fast, random phone call decrease.

Scheduling your calls ahead of time will even alleviate some of the tension and distraction in your relationship—you’ll spend less time throughout the day asking whether and when you’ll meet. And you know when you’ll chat next if either of you can’t make it at the planned moment.

So, if you’re in a long-distance partnership that spans time zones, find out when you’re most up, warn, and present for long-distance dates. Take this into consideration while scheduling times to link. If you want more suggestions for dealing with different time zones in a long-distance relationship, read 13 Tips For Dealing With Different Time Zones In A Long Distance Relationship.

 

8. A Sense of Insecurity

Often we all feel uncertain about ourselves and our relationships. We all have times where we feel threatened or helpless, where our thoughts and concerns take over and we become nervous. We also have low moments or rough days and turn to the ones we care for support and reassurance. That is normal, and it is part of the give and take of caring, trusting, and growing relationships.

Chronic insecurity, on the other hand, is a far bigger issue that can have a long-term impact on you and your relationship. When you are chronically nervous, you are unable to relax and partake in personal, honest interactions with your spouse. And the acts that often result from insecurity–constantly seeking reassurance, often becoming jealous, raising accusations or requests, checking up on people–erode confidence and render you seem needy and less desirable.

What is the Solution?

If your insecurity comes and goes, it may also be healthy and beneficial to express your insecurities and worries as they arise. Tell your mate how you’re doing and what’s bothering you. This promotes genuine and strong contact and allows your spouse to react, reassure, and get to know you better.

If, on the other hand, you realize you struggle in profound fear much of the time, no amount of reassurance from your spouse would ever be enough. You may need to try to control your insecurities. Start here for more information: 4 Ways to Stop Feeling Insecure in Your Relationships.

 

9.Envy

Feeling jealous now and then is normal in a relationship, especially when you are separated from your loved one. A little jealousy can even ignite new feelings of attraction and appreciation for your partner.

A single candle, on the other hand, will light space while fire will burn it to the ground.

Uncontrolled jealousy can result in a toxic mix of suspicion, possessiveness, insecurity, anger, and shame. If you’re feeling jealous, it’s a smart idea to learn how to handle your envy before it takes over.

What is the Solution?

Learning to manage envy is not always simple or swift, but it is possible! Check out this in-depth post for more information on the nuts and bolts of conquering jealousy: 6 Clever Ways to Avoid Becoming Jealous in a Long-Distance Relationship

 

10.Diving Into The Deep End

Growing apart is a particular hazard for couples who were already together before embarking on a long-distance relationship. Couples who begin their relationship across distance, as I did, face almost the opposite problem: the temptation to become overly emotionally intimate, too quickly.

In certain ways, getting to know someone through email and phone calls will help your relationship. The distance can force you to talk about things you might not have talked about if doing other things (or, uh, each other) was a viable option. When you have nothing but words to base your relationship on, you can quickly learn about someone’s heart and mind.

Long-distance love, on the other hand, is a risky business. When you start dating somebody you’ve never met in person, it’s convenient to believe they have all kinds of endearing attributes. It’s quick to think they’re “ideal” for you. It’s all too tempting to step too quickly with your mind and heart, making deep commitments before you’ve ever met.

What is the Solution?

Remember that the laws of long-distance partnerships can be the same as those of public pools: walk, not a race. There will be no swimming off headfirst.

Spend some time getting to know one another. Don’t let your mind and heart take over. Approaching your new partnership with caution can reap long-term benefits.

Check out this special EARLY DAYS kit if you’re in the first 6-12 months of your long-distance partnership. It includes all of our best long-distance dating guides as well as a special guide written for partners who meet at a distance called From Stranger To Lover: 16 Strategies For Building A Great Long Distance Relationship.

 

10.Miscommunications

Miscommunications and misunderstandings are common in romantic partnerships. They occur when you live in the same house as someone else. They happen even more often when you’re thousands of miles away and communicating by email or a phone line.

In the early phases of my communication with Mike, three of my emails wound up in Mike’s junk mail archive. Mike, fortunately for me, is not easily insulted or injured (or, for that matter, deterred). We would never have found out what had changed if he had shut down and started writing to me when he thought I had stopped writing to him.

Another time, Mike and I were talking about something that concerned me greatly. When I told Mike about my concerns, he replied, “That’s a reasonable question.”

That said, in my opinion, “Wow, you should be concerned about that.”

However, after more discussion, it was discovered that Mike had simply intended to say, “I understand why you may be concerned about that, but it’s not going to happen.”

If I hadn’t been confident enough to reassure him that his first response had just made me more worried and unsettled, he wouldn’t have had the chance to explain what he said, and I would have continued to be agitated.

It is even more difficult to access nonverbal signals such as movements, body posture, facial expressions, eye contact, and even voice tone while you are in a long-distance partnership. If somebody is being cynical or laughing, it is likely to forget (or misjudge). This makes good contact more difficult.

What is the Solution?

Remember how easy it is to misinterpret anyone! Remember that if you are confused or hurt, it is possible that you misunderstood what your spouse said or intended!

Pause when you get such “hurt” or “confused” feelings. And, as a general rule, inform them how you’re feeling (confused, insecure, hurt, etc.) and inquire as to what they intended by.

Mostly, a brief clarification from them will clear it up considerably. Even if it doesn’t, pausing to ask for clarity would enable you to answer thoughtfully rather than reacting. Respond, don’t respond is a perfect mantra to keep in mind if you are confused, irritated, or furious.

Learn the natural similarities and disparities in your coping patterns, as well as how each of you reacts to anger, dissatisfaction, or confrontation.

Check out this essay series about how to deal with tension in long-distance partnerships. Knowing this material will help you avoid a lot of misunderstandings and anger, as well as cope with these kinds of “charged” moments more productively.

 

12.Stonewalling

People sometimes contact me about their long-distance partnership and tell me contacts something like, “My boyfriend hasn’t answered my calls or messages for three days now.” I’m not sure what I did wrong. “How can I proceed?”

That is stonewalling, my friends. Silence is being used as a weapon or as an escape. It is in charge of the situation simply by declining to participate. Distance facilitates this, and it will send the long-distance companion insane with anger, second-guessing, and self-doubt.

In the most serious case, the significant other may “ghost” you entirely–blocking you from any of their social networking sites, refusing to answer mail or phone calls, and just… disappearing.

What is the Solution?

If you find yourself stonewalling, consider why. Are you attempting to punish or inflict harm on the other person? Or are you mostly choosing the quick route out while ignoring difficult thoughts or discussions?

Whatever the solution is, put a stop to it. It is neither reasonable nor compassionate to handle someone you claim to love in this manner. If you need some alone time, at least be upfront about it and clarify what’s going on with you before going quiet. Don’t ever vanish.

If you are the victim of stonewalling, don’t let it go. When your partner finally contacts long-distance you again, express how upset and irritated you were with the silent treatment. Tell them if you think they had worked with the problem rather than disengaging from it.

 

13.Developing a Possessive Attitude

Another question that always appears in my inbox is this: “My long-distance girlfriend/boyfriend likes to chat all the time.” They panic if I don’t react to a text within five minutes, and they want to know where I am and who I’m with at all times. I’m beginning to feel suffocated, but I’m not sure how to say them to ease off.”

If stonewalling is manipulating someone by keeping them at a distance, being possessive is controlling someone by gripping them too closely. Distance will make it difficult to trust and encourage jealousy and fear. This mix is often used to fuel possessive and controlling actions.

What is the Solution?

Try to find out why you’re feeling and behaving possessively. This is a difficult problem, and it might not be straightforward to resolve. You will, though, behave less restrictive well until you have resolved all of your emotions.

Examine what you want from your spouse in terms of touch, responsiveness, and alerts. Will you want to see where they are, what they’re doing, and who they’re referring to? Are your hopes realistic? If not, insist on a fair compromise (preferably together) and adhere to it.

Inform your mate if they are smothering you. Don’t want to frighten them away by disengaging or stonewalling. This would only increase their anxiety and demand. Explain how their actions are making you feel and how you would like to work with them.

 

14. Ignoring Such Vital Partnerships

Do you waste much of your free time on your cell or computer? Your interactions with those people you care for will suffer if you devote all of your spare time and energies to your long-distance love. In a nutshell, this is terrible news.

If you have a good network of friends outside of your partner, you would be far happier and healthier (and, ultimately, more attractive). You must invest time engaging with them to do this.

What is the solution?

Tell these questions and check up on yourself.

  • When was the last night you had dinner with friends?
  • What was the last time you had guests over?
  • What was the last time you had a meaningful conversation with anyone other than your long-distance partner?

To whom do you owe a phone call or an email? In addition to your spouse, make it a point to engage with at least three other individuals per week.

 

16. Plagiarism

Do you want to hear the positive news? Here’s what it is: Several surveys have shown that adultery does not arise more often in long-distance marriages.

The bad news is that cheating in marriages is not unusual (whether same-city or long-distance). Lying and adultery occur in marriages, and isolation allows deception simpler to conceal over a prolonged period.

What is the Solution?

This is one of the most dreaded issues in long-distance relationships. If you’re concerned that your spouse is cheating on you, check out the special offer below to see how to get my book, 21 Important Things To Do If You Think Your Partner Is Cheating On You, for FREE.

I hesitate to finish this article on such a depressing note, so please allow me a moment before signing off to say…

A friendship, whether long-distance or not, faces difficulties. And long-distance partnerships may be well worth the effort. Here are only a few of the amazing advantages of engaging in a long-distance relationship:

  1. Because with all the conversation, you get to know each other very well.
  2. You are less inclined to mix up desire and passion.
  3. You get to put your confidence to the test.
  4. You will improve your communication and dispute resolution skills.
  5. You cherish the time you do spend together.

But don’t lose heart. Whether you’re going through a tough time right now, that doesn’t always suggest you’re in the wrong relationship. I’m rooting for you and hoping you the best while you continue to figure out what’s going on with your partnership and get closer and stronger through the distance.