“If you want to be regarded as royalty, first treat your mate like royalty.”
Long-distance partnerships are the true game of patience. To be fruitful and retain the kind of long-lasting love that we all want, you must begin now and search for ways to make your long-distance love feel valued and appreciated, even over the miles.
After all, acts breed further actions.
Confidence breeds trust, and fear breeds trust. Generosity breeds more generosity.
Simply stated, if you wish to be respected and treated like royalty, you must love well and treat your spouse with respect.
The good news is that there are many ways to make your spouse feel unique daily, even though you are in a long-distance partnership and live far apart. Yes, even though the friendship is tense, you’re failing, or either or more of you is feeling underappreciated.
Today, I’ll teach you how to recognize some of these openings and make them feel unique. If you do any of these things, you’ll begin to shine like the North Star in your partner’s universe.
So let us begin with an oldie but a goodie.
1. Actively Listen To What They Have To Say
Assume you’ve been waiting all day to hear your partner’s speech. It was the first idea that came to mind when you awoke in the morning. Plus, they won’t believe what happened to you today at work!
You’ve been chomping at the bit for hours, starving for just one chat that can help you forget about all of the bullshit you’ve put up with today and remind you of the positive stuff in life and love.
When the time arrives (FINALLY!) and you get the message, the first thing they say is, “Hey sweetheart, how are you doing?” I’m absolutely tired because I had a terrible day at work.”
Time For A Test:
Do you answer as follows:
- a) “OMG, I understand!” You want to know about a bad day… let me remind you…” and then continue to speak into their ear for the next two hours without pausing.
- b) “I’m so sad you’re feeling that way, son.” I adore you very much… Do you want to tell me about it, or should you just get some rest tonight and we can talk about it better tomorrow?”
When your time “together” is minimal, it’s normal to want to unload all of your burdens in quick succession.
However, in every partnership, it is important to try to listen to what your spouse is doing, particularly though you have a lot on your mind.
Few things make people feel less valuable or appreciated than expressing anything positive and being met with no feeling, little concern, and a segue into an unrelated subject.
Consider how you see them reacting as you unload all of your problems on them. You want them to ask more questions, don’t you?
So, instead of making all the pent-up emotions over your own day’s turmoil explode from your chest like an alien, continue to wait quietly and listen to what they have to say.
Inquire, for example, “How did that make you feel?” or “What do you suppose was the reason for that?” and “What are you saying about all of this now?”
When you listen to and empathize with your spouse, they can feel much more valued, significant, and content. And if they feel understood and encouraged, they would be even more able and ready to relate to and empathize about what is going on with your life.
Actions lead to further behaviors. Empathy breeds more empathy.
2. Share The Joy With Others
Do you realize that it takes seven constructive responses to “even out” the effect of one negative or critical comment?
And that’s only one minorly pessimistic remark, such as “I despise the weather outside today.”
If you say something like, “I hate how long it takes you to react to my texts; you can do it quicker,”… Don’t think about it!
Despite 1,000 compliments on their texting abilities, that will be etched in their minds for the next five years.
This is known as the negativity bias because it simply suggests that negative statements and events have a greater influence than optimistic statements and events. We pay more attention to bad comments others say to us, invest more time worrying about them, and giving negative and critical remarks more weight.
Negativity bias is a true thing and may pose significant problems in long-distance partnerships.
When the tension levels are at their peak and your scarce time together is spent attempting to solve issues, processing difficult moments, or arguing… It has a major impact on everyone’s behavioral and emotional wellbeing.
So, even though you’re stretched and exhausted, strive to continue to share any of the “positive” things as well.
Tell your mate how much you adore them and how much you miss them. Tell them what you, are thinking about them today (and when/why). Discuss recent events that have caused you happy or chuckle. Look for small ways to inspire and praise them. Tell them what you think or admire for what they’ve accomplished or said.
Make it a priority to remind your mate how much you appreciate them daily.
Tell them how they make you feel when you’re lonely or sad; how much happier you feel now that they’re in your life; how wonderful and cool they are; how monumentally valuable and beautiful the experiences you have of them are; and how much you look forward to the future.
You should share flattering photos on social media, compose love notes for no excuse, and submit thoughtful presents as tangible proofs of your affection.
“There is no passion, just evidence of love,” says Pierre Reverdy.
Knowing in your heart that your long-distance girlfriend is the most valuable thing in your life is not enough. It is insufficient to inform them once a week. Every day, they need constant reminders. We also need to express our troubles and our sorrows but don’t forget to share any of our joys as well.
3. Blow Them Out of Water With A Surprising Surprise.
Assume your sweetheart wakes up and gets out of bed as though it were every other day.
They are heartbroken that their soulmate is in another room, far away from them.
They crave your presence, sound, and contact.
Everything extraordinary occurs as they continue through their day with no hopes.
They receive a gift from the one they adore the most in the world–a gift that tells them how genuinely fortunate, grateful, and unique they are.
Feeling stumped as to what kind of gift could accomplish that? We’ve got your back. Check out “A Thoughtful Gift: Reflections on Our Love,” a customized book.
Fill out a few questions throughout the buying phase, and your 50+ page customized journal will be on the way. And, when it comes, all you have to do is fill it out, and you’ll have a one-of-a-kind present that they’ll love and hold forever. Our queries and reminders would make it a breeze to tell them what you like about them and to remind them of the thousands of special memories you’ve shared.
4. Meet Them Where They Are.
How well can you “join in” with your companion on issues that are vital to them?
Will you watch movies with them that you don’t particularly want to see? Playing games online that you don’t enjoy? Why can you “stretch” to be there with your companion in ways you feel are vital to them?
My mom, for example, enjoys a bottle of wine or champagne with her meal. I’m not a big drinker, but when she asks if I want a glass of something, I usually go with wine.
I can, however, drink wine in social situations with my parents.
It never occurred to me that I could be damaging my wife’s feelings, or that the impression I was unintentionally transmitting was that conforming for her wasn’t necessary to me, but conforming for my friends was.
Needless to mention, I now still consider my wife’s offer of a bottle. The fact is, like the very caring wife she is, she realizes it’s not my favorite thing, but she doesn’t question me too much.
There would be many issues if you do not pay attention to what your mate means by expressing their desires. Anything that does not exist or seems to be significant to you may be exceedingly important to someone else.
So be aware, and then aspire to be generous with your time, attention, wealth, or affection in ways that are meaningful to them. They would feel like a king or queen if you make any concessions to “join them” in anything meaningful to them.
And, for the love of everything sacred, please don’t keep track.
Nothing helps someone feel less valuable than keeping track of who’s turn it is to do what.
Aren’t you going to go to whatever extent with them if they’re your king or queen? Is it really important who calls whom or who visits whom as long as you share time?
All fails while you hold the track in a long-distance partnership.
5. Be Like Elsa and Let It All Go!
Things take place. Unkind terms would undoubtedly be spoken. Feelings are going to be affected.
When something like this happens, you don’t have to take that quietly. You should be assertive to express that your feelings are hurt. In reality, it’s always best if you do, because if you keep your words and feelings bottled up, you’ll finally stew with anger and rage, or erupt like the finale of a Fourth of July fireworks show (And it will NOT be pretty).
But let them know whether you’re annoyed or irritated. Just do things as quietly and gently as you possibly can. Allow yourself to be insecure by using “I” sentences rather than “You” statements, which come off as accusatory.
You’ve heard about “I” sentences, right? When I think about (Situation), I get a really (Feeling) because (Why). Then you should propose a suggestion or initiate a debate.
As an example:
“I’m really upset when I hear of you spending all night at the pub with your phone turned off because my former spouses have been unfaithful to me. May we come up with a plan that can offer me some peace of mind?”
Once you’ve wisely articulated yourself and worked through the problem, let it go.
“Holding onto bitterness is like swallowing poison and hoping for the other one to die,” as the saying goes.
Don’t put it up amid the next argument; don’t have it on a compilation of previous complaints in the future, and don’t use it as a tactic to achieve what you like. Make an effort to believe that the mate has positive motives. And make an effort not to “sweat the little things.” Long-distance marriages are difficult enough without you allowing insecurities to raise their ugly heads because of a vague remark here and there, or being too irritated by little annoyances.