As corny as it can sound, a kiss may feel like a Michael Bay-level blast, or it can leave you feeling utterly nothing, zilch, zip, nothing. A kiss with a love interest or romantic partner is more than just an equation between lips and tongues, and there are simple ways to set the tempo even though you’re not the most practiced kisser. Kissing can be far more complicated than movies, TV shows, and sexy, steamy music videos will have us all believe. From establishing the mood to making sure you’re not the only one in said mood to when to introduce tongue to how much to use to how to provide possibly uncomfortable input if there was anything in your partner’s technique that might use some practice, kissing can be far more complicated than movies, TV shows, and sweet, steamy music videos will have us all believe. Still, if you’re new to kissing or already new to kissing your new girlfriend, there are lots you can do to avoid possible stumbling blocks and diffuse some awkwardness before it occurs, making the make-out session the best it can be—for anyone concerned. The most crucial aspects to note are to be transparent and truthful with your expectations and desires, as well as to be mindful of your partner‘s signals and wishes, and to be able and eager to adapt if you aren’t satisfying them. Looking for a more informative, step-by-step guide to resolving perplexing kissing issues? Continue reading for a helpful tutorial about how to take control of a make-out session like a seasoned pro.
No one needs to inhale stale coffee or a mouthful of garlic and onion as their centimeters away from someone’s face. Taking a mint or cleaning your teeth demonstrates that you have attempted. No one likes to kiss somebody whose breath feels like a cross between that morning’s coffee and that afternoon’s lunch sandwich. And after you’ve kissed a long-term girlfriend 1,000 times, strive not to let them taste what you’ve consumed every day.
2. Choose The Appropriate Moment
Follow the other person’s body language signals to determine whether it’s appropriate to begin a kiss. If it doesn’t feel good, don’t reach in for a kiss, and don’t keep the other person hanging too long that they begin to wonder if you’re interested in them. Where in question, inquire!
3. Request Permission
Body language, glances, and unspoken tension will also all stack up to give you the trust to lean in for the kiss, so whether those things don’t stack up or if they seem to but there’s a weird X factor—like you’re just feeling bubbly after a glass of champagne at a party or you just met and don’t have an established flow of communication—still it’s more than okay to get a spoken, verbatim kiss. Consent is essential, but if you’re unsure, always inquire before learning.
4. Exercise Your Eyes
When you’re leaning in for a kiss, you can’t talk, so why not express what you need to say by eye contact? When you’re really in the middle of a kiss, though, tone it down—it may be unsettling to see someone looking at you from a near distance (see: Bruno Mars’ “Grenade”). The echo of another person’s movement or the soft contact of their hand may be enhanced by temporary blindness during a kiss.
5. Begin Without Using Your Tongue
Start without your tongue as you go in for a kiss and get your bearings and rhythm. Gently press your lips to your partner’s and see how they respond. Pressure will be increased as you become more immersed in the moment. When it comes to tongue, begin by gently touching your partner’s tongue with your own.
Nobody wants to be slobbered on during a make-out session. Maintain a tight grip on the tongue. You don’t want to go crazy with romantic tongue-ing because your mate is into some kind of kissing as well.
6. Stay In The Present Moment
If you quit worrying about your kissing abilities or what you said 10 minutes before, you’ll feel more linked to the other person—just tune out some extra internal noise and give in to the moment.
7. Give It Your All
Kissing is a collaborative endeavor. Don’t dampen someone’s morale by taking on the offensive (a.k.a. being so heavy-handed with the tongue) or attempting too hard to dominate or direct the scenario. Take a deep breath (but not when hugging, that would be strange) and do what feels good.
8. Carry A Balm
No one wants the lips to always be “kissably smooth.” However, if your lips are a dry, flaky mess in the winter, it’s a good idea to have some lip balm in your pocket.
9. Maintain Your Enthusiasm
Kissing your companion helps them feel unique and next to you. Approach kissing to tell your companion how stunning they are. Let them feel needed and boost their ego a little.
10. Be Aware Of Your Surroundings
If it’s by candlelight, in a tent beneath the stars, on the beach, or during a surprise rainstorm, unfamiliar environments make a kiss more fascinating. Since your eyes are closed much of the way during a kiss, you would be able to hear and even sense what is going on around you more clearly. You want to be in the moment, but it’s still good to take in what’s going on around you so you can enjoy it more. Only make sure you don’t forget about your kissing buddy in the meantime.
11. Be Unpredictable
Kissing is all about the back-and-forth conversation, so feel free to let loose and play with various kissing types. At a kiss, try gently—key term, gently—tugging on his lower lip with your teeth. Spiderman, perform them upside-down! As long as all of you are into it, try using more tongue or transitioning sides during a handshake or soft chewing. Try not to do something that does not feel good at the moment.
12. Take Each Other’s Lead
Kissers who are on the same wavelength will mimic each other’s gestures. Take notice of what your mate is doing and try to replicate it. Taking the initiative if you want to try something fresh. Feel out each other’s impulses and kissing styles before proceeding.
13. Check-In If Anything Doesn’t Feel Right
It might be uncomfortable to interrupt the rhythm of a hot and heavy making out session with pesky stuff like words, however, if you’re not enjoying what your partner is doing and they’re not picking up on the nonverbal signals you’re transmitting about it, make those cues verbal with a quick check-in. Mid-make-out is not the ideal moment for a complete input session (more on that later), but if anything sounds seriously off-key, there’s never a bad time to press stop. If your partner is doing something that makes you sad, whether mentally or emotionally, don’t be ashamed to tell them. Similarly, if you have a feeling like anything you’re doing isn’t quite right, take a breather, check-in with your partner, and be able to adapt without being angry if it turns out you’ve been unintentionally doing something on their particular no-no list.
14 Make It A Whole-body Experience
If you pull the other person tight when kissing or touch their neck or back, the kiss may feel much more intense. In the brain, touch causes the production of feel-good chemicals. And sure you’re getting the best out of it.
15. Make Use Of Your Hands
When it comes to the force of contact, it’s more than about pulling in for a tight hug. When you’re having a good time with your partner, you get the Selena Gomez feeling and can’t hold your hands to yourself. Getting handsy will enhance a making-out session (if your spouse is into it, of course—consent is essential in all situations, from start to finish). This isn’t to say you can start circling metaphorical bases; simply caressing your partner’s back, stomach, limbs, or thighs will increase the intensity even though no clothing is removed.
16. Don’t Forget About The Erogenous Zones
On that note, don’t overlook the grazing capacity of the earlobes, forehead, collarbone, and neck—think of all those nerve endings. You may softly nibble an earlobe or brush your tongue over a collar bone, but the line should be drawn at the tongue. Whether anyone spits on you after hugging you, you’re doing it wrong. And, unless otherwise stated, be gentle. Hickeys aren’t for everybody, so don’t bite down or hold on until the companion suggests that they’re interested.
Willie B. Thomas is an American singer and songwriter.
17. Nibble A Little On The Bottom Lip
When you’re kissing softly, take a minute to take your partner’s lower lip in your mouth, suck it, maybe nibble it mildly, and then return to making out. Don’t swallow it whole, as though you were going to kill your partner. Only concentrate on the very edge. It has the potential to be very seductive.
18. Have Constructive Feedback To One Another
Give encouraging, insightful input to the other individual by your body language so that your spouse feels good after a kiss. You don’t want to harm their feelings, so if they aren’t the greatest kisser in the country, subtly lead them on a new path by calming down, pulling back, and demonstrating a better approach. And, after that, learn about it. Tell them something good, then offer them valuable input before concluding with something positive. For example, you might say: “I enjoy it when you kiss my neck. When we’re making out, I prefer it when you use a little less strain. You’re unbelievably hot.” It works well.
19. Listen And A Beat To Bask In Your Feelings
If you’re in the early stages of a partnership or have been together for years, devoting time to only kissing without the expectation of anything progressing can be powerfully sexy and extremely bonding. When you finish a serious making-out session, don’t feel obligated to return to life right away. Just laying or sitting quietly while holding each other for a few minutes after will give you time to truly enjoy the rush of the oxytocin your brains are flooded with and it will strengthen your bond (if a stronger bond is what you both want, of course—not all kissing is about building along.
20. Keep In Mind That We’re All Trying To Do Our Best
When it comes to kissing somebody we’re not accustomed to kissing, we’re both a bit self-conscious. No matter how many people you kiss, this never really goes anywhere. There is still a little bit of fear when you kiss someone different. Only keep in mind that we’re all trying our hardest to be impressive and hot. Many of them have no idea what we’re doing. We’re throwing things out there and hoping that any of them succeed. Kissing needs preparation as well as intimacy with the right guy. Not every kiss will be memorable, and a couple will almost certainly be unpleasant. Try not to be too harsh on yourself. We’re all having a fun time.